I grew up with an on again off again relationship with God. I was always teetering on the fence, unable to fully commit to God. I was afraid I would miss out on the fun the world had to offer. Little did I realize that what the world had to offer always led to an unfulfilling emptiness! I knew God’s truth. I knew that I should stay pure until marriage and marry a godly husband. I knew what I should do, but my relationship with my heavenly Father was a fleeting thought when I entered my teenage years. Like many teenagers, I knew it all and I was going to do what I wanted to do with my life. I put myself in a situation to where I lost my virginity to a rape. The devil shamed me in believing that it was my fault and that I could no longer be pure. I then, as a lot of teenagers do, continued on to experiment with alcohol and search out affection from boys. I defiled my body in search of love.
In college I met a wonderful Christian man, but I was still teetering on the fence. I would go to my Christian groups on Wednesday nights and right after the meeting I would party with my other friends. The gentleman I was dating cared for me deeply, but I could not give up my double life. I was devastated when the relationship ended, but not enough to give up the world. I continued to drink and met another man who was not a Christian, but at this time I didn’t care. We moved in together and within a few months we were pregnant. We eventually married when my daughter was almost three, and would then have another daughter. Unfortunately, my children where not being raised in the church. When our second daughter turned two we divorced. I dated a guy for a short period and entered into sexual sin. My ex-husband returned into my life requesting that we see a pastor for counseling and go into the church of God as a family.
I realized then that the desire for a relationship with God was still deep in my heart, my soul. I had a mother who had never stopped praying for me to return to my heavenly Father. Things went well for a while, my husband received Christ, and we attended church together as a family. We re-married but within the next year God was pushed out of our relationship and we stopped going to church. We resumed our party life going out and drinking with our friends. Our relationship hit a sexual rut so to compensate we began to watch pornography together. The bad thing about porn is that it’s never enough, our sinful nature continues to want more. Through a vision my mother had shared with me, I received a warning that my spiritual life was in trouble. I turned back to God fervently. . I returned to church and made a decision to live a life for God whether my husband followed or not. Obviously the devil was not happy so he went to work. At one point my husband approached me to include other couples into our relationship. I was devastated! How could my husband say he loved me but would want me to have sex with another man? The devil continued to work on me,
and I didn’t want to lose my husband. After a few months of talking about “swinging”, and my mind being damaged already by pornography, I gave in to the idea. I wanted to make my husband happy. Actually, I began to enjoy our new adventure. We started talking to other couples and found a few that we connected with. Before long we set up dates and joined into this sexual sin. My husband became more attentive to me and he became everything that I thought I wanted in a husband. The devil knew that I had made a decision to serve God and I was lured in. He knew I wanted my marriage to work and I would try anything to do that, even allowing sexual sin into the marriage bed. What the devil did not take into account is that God had already started transforming me. After engaging in this sexual sin, it became disgusting to me. I felt dirty and shameful. I had lost all respect for my husband and I couldn’t be a part of this tryst any longer. I ran to God for forgiveness. I told God that I would give up everything, even my marriage for Him, if I had to. I could no longer live like the world lived. I told my husband that I could no longer engage in these activities. He said he understood and we stopped, but his affection for me changed drastically. Our marriage went down fast.
I prayed, as I had for years, for him to turn to Christ, but he hadn’t. He didn’t like the changes I was making in my new life with Christ. My husband’s spirit and mine began to clash badly and he wanted out of the marriage. Honestly, I did too. Needless to say we were unequally yoked and every day it became more evident. In 2014 we separated.
I was growing in Christ and my life was great! I had made Jesus my husband. I didn’t need an earthly husband because I was happy with who I had become. I was living my life for God and if that meant being alone I was okay with that. For once in my life God was enough! What a great place that is to be in! I was fulfilled in Christ and I no longer needed what this world had to offer. There were times though when I had prayed for God to give me a partner to do Kingdom work with. I told God that I was not choosing my husband this time-it was His turn. God prompted me to make a list of my desires, what I wanted in a godly husband. I feel sometimes we need to be specific when asking God what we want. He knows our desires, but it is stepping out in faith and asking for it that matters.
I met Chris in April of 2018. I had went to a gala for Garden Gate Ranch. Before I went I made the comment, “maybe I will meet my Boaz tonight”. I was walking down the steps in a long gown of roses and caught the eye of Mr. Rose. He shyly grinned at me and I smiled back. At that moment I sensed something had changed in me. Though Chris had not realized our connection… Yet!
I am normally not that person who makes the first move, but I did search out Chris on Facebook. I messaged him and introduced myself. He still had no clue I was interested until I text him goodnight and good morning the next day. He understood. Later I was to find out that God had taken him out of a homosexual lifestyle. Satan had let him think that he would be alone for the rest of his life because of his past. Satan is good at trying to keep people down. Chris knew he wanted to live but thought he would do it alone as I had come to believe. God is so good and that is not what God’s plan was for us.
Chris and I met for coffee and we have been together ever since. God has given me every desire that was on my list for a husband and much more. In six months we went from coffee to getting married on 11/18/2018. God has given me total peace about Chris’ past and my own. God has taken us out of the sexual sin that the world invited us into, He has led us into a covenant relationship. Chris and I have been sexually pure and will enter our marriage this Sunday with hearts washed clean with the Blood of Christ. God’s way is better if we believe and follow after His Truth. The world will only lead to death and destruction. I thank God for bringing such blessings into my life.