October 2009 through April 2010 was a very hard time for me. If I had to stick a label on it, that was the darkest season of my life. My whole world was falling apart. During that November I was suicidal, clearly detached from reality, and I recall there were very few friends that endured that season with me. I remember laying on my dorm room bed, listening to familiar sounds of laughter echoing from the courtyard two stories below. I knew who was there, and I also knew that those individuals wanted nothing to do with me. And I was okay with that. I was rather (insert negative word here) with them as well. During that season of desperation and angst, I found the power of poetry. I wrote this during that time. Perhaps someone needs to read this now.
Grant me this wish, that understand I might know,
light my path, and the direction to go.
give me a hint, show me a sign,
I’ll follow you Lord, with your plan divine.
this narrow path, cliff edges on both sides,
guided by God, through the winds and the tides.
I’ve come this far, no sense in tuning back now.
a hurtle lies ahead, I’ll overcome, but how?
A great stone blocks the path, with no way around,
the height stretches from the ridge to the ground.
I can’t go back, nor to the left or the right,
no shovel in hand, nor ladder in sight.
I stand there puzzled, what do I do?
A stone lies there, with no way to get through.
I hear a gentle voice, familiar and kind,
Searching within, the answer I find.
“The rock must obey.” To me the voice told,
So pointing my finger, and feeling quite bold.
“Remove yourself from my path, hear what I say!”
After telling it to move, it rolled out of my way.
I continued down the path, with a smile on my face,
knowing I was taken care of, by His Love and His Grace.
“A cross roads will come, though I’ll show you where to go.”
“When you see the right path, I’ll let you know.”
Two forks in the road, paths first through the eighth,
no hurtle, stands a chance, against our Godly faith.
Moment by moment, I’m made aware,
and constant reminders, that You’ll always care.
Lord, take my pain, hurt and sadness,
and grant me joy, happiness, and gladness.
Lord I know I am small, prone to wander, and weak,
I pray that you use me, and into my life I beg that you speak.
I hear you Lord, when you whisper in my ear,
To comfort me and let me know you’re near.
The cold wind blows, and the dark clouds gather over head,
The lighting strikes close, and the thunder causes dread.
The sky turns black, and the funnel soon forms,
As I battle through this, my most difficult of storms.
Though figurative are the wind and the rains,
Never before, have I felt such pains.
And as the metaphorical tornado, begins to spin,
I begin to cry, knowing I probably won’t win.
As the storm rages on, hurt and worry get in,
And some people seem, to get under my skin.
And yet, through the clouds, shines a ray of sun,
And fears are dispelled, and worry is undone.
If this is the only way, to praise the Lord of all,
Then let the winds blow… and let the rains fall!
This is Pastor Amos reminding you that even in the darkest times, the Lord is present, and there to help you. Keep it in Jesus.