There are still times when I am caught in great amazement and unbelief that Angie is in my life. It’s hard to explain but there are moments when I come into realization, stunned that finally I am coupled with whom the Lord intended. This is really happening? ? Forgive me for being somewhat dramatic. Years have passed since leaving the homosexual lifestyle, and in these years I had coveted other
marriages very much wanting marital bliss for myself. I figured I could never have what the men in my church were given, their Eve. I remember praying to God for those things that I had wanted in my Eve. Angie displays them all. The Lord is good, my Father knows what I need, and He has given bountifully.
Early in the relationship I wasn’t sure I knew how to carry a woman in intimacy. I was never given this father-to-son formal training on how a man is to carry a woman emotionally, spiritually, and privately. The men around me and those in my family responsible for this training seemed just as confused as I had become. None of them displayed the gold effect of unbreakable, godly relationships, and their women were stone statues of expressions suggesting that one day they might be fulfilled. Insecure, I opened up to Angie and explained this missing element, she knew exactly what I meant. About a month later Angie would recall this insecurity and explained to me that I must know what I’m doing because all of what she needed spiritually and emotionally I was providing. Praising God I realize that while in those years of insecurity He was training me up for this season.
The day we met for coffee was the day I told her of my past, a long fifteen year imprisonment in the homosexual lifestyle. I figured if the horror of my past didn’t cause her to run then maybe God was somehow blessing me, was she the answer to prayer?
A few days had past and we had met again. This time she asked if I wanted to have children. Deep inside the recesses of my soul my answer was yes and absolutely, but my past was dictating my future and as far as I knew children would not be possible. Angie had instantly sharpened her tone before I could answer saying that her last boyfriend wanted children which broke up their relationship. I stayed quiet and recalled my assumption that what I had sown in my sexual history would never bring children anyway, so it was easy to comply.
We began to share our past, our insecurities, our likes and dislikes. I noticed that what we shared was much deeper than celebrating our favorite colors. Her favorite color is red and mine is blue. Our temperaments are similar. I understand her and she understands me. I feel we have come together peacefully and there is nothing forced when trying to join together in the simplest of matters, even in the toughest. There have been many times when I would realize that she must be the one sent of God so that I would not be alone. I asked her to marry me on October 5th. Altogether, I know God has given me a second chance and His promises are at my reach. I pray I listen to her as my mother has instructed, and not to hurt her as my Heavenly Father has demanded.
It was only six months ago that I was a single man seemingly destined to serve the King of Kings alone. Although my marching orders haven’t changed it is Genesis 2:18-24 that explains why Angie is in my life, and has become my wife. We married on November 18, 2018. (Yes, I remembered the date.)
I was fifteen years old when a relationship with God also became a fleeting thought. It was as if the bond between me and grace was flimsy and easily broken. I began to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol, quickly moving away from His righteousness. I met my ex-wife and after fornication our plans to marry were established. Little did she know that my past, even then, was riddled with thoughts of homosexual sexual encounters, and these fantasies was something I was burning to experience.
I have come to learn that trauma in my early childhood developed conflicting identification markers. Internally, I insisted to be programmed as a little girl. Eventually, at puberty my assertions would demand a male to be my natural opposite, but biological mandates would over power my insistence and pressure to be obedient to them solidified my decision to eventually marry a person of the opposite sex. The deep scars of fear, insecurity, and abuse that I believe led to homosexual identity and behavior were never tended to. My effort to cover over these feelings, ignore their origin,
and identify accordingly was survival. I was married for the first time in 1995. Nine months later we separated and I joined into the homosexual lifestyle. Finally, I would commit my life over to the under tows and currents of homosexual tendencies that now were beginning to be normalized and celebrated in society. I was free to express myself as my traumatic childhood had ordained. Let me stop here and have the reader understand. The trauma was abuse, neglect, and a refusal to acknowledge my own masculinity. These carefully laid out plans of the enemy, were intended for my destruction, and the professional world, even today, demands that homosexually identified persons ignore their trauma and live in an identity prescribed by tolerance and fueled by political agenda. May I say the following with an unbreakable confidence! When the abuse and neglect were covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, revealed in His light, and resolved by His matchless grace I came alive unto God functioning as He intended this man to behave! Jehovah has healed!
It has been nearly ten years living in a biblically prescribed, real identity. My entire life has become visible proof of the existence of God and His mercy unto man who is Jesus Christ. Since my repentance Joel 2:25-32 resounds in my soul.
“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed. And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the LORD your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed. And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions: And also upon the servants and upon the handmaids in those days will I pour out my spirit. And I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the earth, blood, and fire, and pillars of smoke. The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and the terrible day of the LORD come. And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the LORD hath said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call”.
Great is the faithfulness of the Lord God. Countess encounters with the Lord Jesus, the Spirit of God is leading me into a full understanding of the doctrine of grace, it is Genesis 2:18-24 that has changed my perspective on sexuality. God still provides an awesome provision for man. But unfortunately there are those who still confuse and miss the blessing of the Lord, clamoring incessantly for a worldly and dark counterfeit.
With my heart full of anger and militant thoughts against those who march proudly to the beat of a rainbow drum the Spirt of God took me into His word. The first thing I noticed in Genesis 2:18-24 was a beautiful relationship between a father and son. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”. Genesis 2:18 KJV This truth set me free in understanding, also today, why Angie has come into my life. God’s heart toward man hasn’t changed. He still finds importance in bringing to man a “help meet”, which is to say a suitable partner, one who is a perfect fit for His created, for His son. As I continued on the path of understanding the Holy Spirt took me farther into the father-son relationship pointing out the bond of love between them. In the end the anger I mistakenly possessed for the homosexually identified, at the time the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage, was replaced with an unshakable compassion I had never felt before. I realized that all homosexual identified persons seek fervently a fabulous pairing, a person who is their perfect fit. I too clamored for the finding of such person when homosexually identified, and suffered in the counterfeit I so desperately sought after.
Available to those who are washed in the blood of Jesus Christ is this awesome provision of marriage. The extraordinary protection and gold standard of covenant marriage which had caused Adam, God’s son to proclaim, “Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:23 ESV
Unaware of historical commentary I believe the 23rd verse shows Adam praising and worshipping His Father. In deep thankfulness Adam was no longer alone, but more so Adam was given the perfect gift. At first sight the son received his father’s promise. Believing that there was nothing else in creation that would compare, Adam waited and trusted to see his father gloriously provide exactly what he needed. The purpose of marriage is an honoring of what God continues to do for mankind, a bringing together of one man and one woman so that His children will not be alone. But for those who look elsewhere in creation will, according to God’s word, receive their counterfeit. And to this I say, have it your way if you prefer, but there is healing in the Name of Jesus Christ and mounds of provision available! It is this counterfeit revelation that draws my heart into compassion for those who see their Eve or their Adam unsuitable, who sadly is then thrown onto the trash heap.
It has taken Angie and me years of trial and error to finally surrender to God’s provision. Mrs. Rose and I can be proud that we waited to consummate our relationship, honoring God with our bodies.
I cry out-she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh! Thank you Father for Your wonderful provision of marriage, and thank you for our given testimony of Your grace that richly glorifies Your mercy which is Jesus Christ who is our Life.