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Mission Aborted


Many years ago my sister had a dream that I had a little girl. When she first told me about it, we were on a “sister’s date”. I’d just finished telling her that my husband and I were going to try for a third child. Suzanna looked at me, smiled and said, “It’s going to be a girl. I know, because I saw her in a dream. She was between 7 and 9 years old, and she looked just like you.” Several months later I became pregnant.

When Alli was born, it was nothing short of a miracle. I’d had a placental abruption at 26 weeks, was on strict bed rest, and developed preeclampsia by 31 weeks. I was induced just before 34 weeks. She had the cord around her neck twice and had to be untethered before she could make her way out. When she was freed from me, her eyes opened and a tiny squeak came out of her 4lb 10oz body. She had gobs of dark hair and looked just like me. In that moment the memory of my sister’s dream came to my mind. Suzanna was in the room when Alli was born and got to see her own dream come to fruition. Genetics obviously had heavy influence, but my two boys are biological and looked nothing like me. One came out with blonde hair and hazel eyes, the other with red hair and brown eyes. Now here was Alli with dark hair and eyes. Her face alone proved she was mine. My sister had seen this little girl before she was even conceived by us; though she’d undoubtedly been already conceived by God.

I’m still awestruck with the magnitude of love that I have for my children and their value to me. This may be where I come the closest to understanding God. He has incredible love for His children.

I find myself in deep contemplation when I walk past the Pregnancy Crisis Resource Center next to my kids’ orthodontist office. The windows are darkly tinted and covered. I am not going to site the grotesque details of this issue, but I do want to talk about astounding loss. Who are the precious human beings that these babies would have grown to be? What incredible blessing have we deprived mankind of because of fear, guilt, or callus? Are we aware that we are routinely exterminating unfathomable potential? Those babies, those millions of babies per year…could have been our future Martin Luther King, Yo-Yo Ma, Celine Dion, Ronald Reagan, Bill Gates, and Albert Einstein.  Each of those lives have incredible potential to change the world for the good or the bad. What empty chairs would have been filled, what podiums, pulpits, armor, lab coats, and uniforms, would have benefited by their    existence in this world?

We could blame these women for their decisions or Planned Parenthood for its blood soaked profits, but we also have a part to play in all of this. Our society aims for us to raise individuals who have been brainwashed into thinking there is “safe” sex. It infuriates me every time I hear this verbiage being used. Safe? In what respect exactly? STD rates are skyrocketing among high schoolers and college kids. Some of them can’t be cured, and the victims of these false teachings are living the repercussions of their ignorance for the rest of their lives. Pregnancy prevention methods have failure rates. In fact, my first child is a product of a failed birth control method.  Nearly all of my married friends have experienced an unplanned pregnancy at one time or another. We’ve been fortunate to be at places in our lives where we could cope with this, but that is aside from the fact. Birth control methods fail. The entertainment world has reduced sex to a flippant casual interaction that teenagers have grown accustomed to accepting. Current verbiage implies a fetus to be a blob of cells.  Fetus actually means, “Unborn offspring of a mammal”. You could also call that a baby. It’s a lot harder to ignore what is being done when you have to say, “terminate a baby”.

There are scared souls going into these clinics, trusting these lies to be true. I think most of us know this is a sad mirage. Don’t ask questions. Don’t look at the leaked clinic photos of aborted babies. Don’t look at the rate of depression in post-abortive in women.

An article from Colorado EDU sited: “A 5 year retrospective study in two Canadian provinces found that 25% of post-abortive women made visits to psychiatrists as compared to 3% of the control group. Women who have undergone post-abortion counseling report over 100 major reactions to abortion. Among the most frequently reported are: depression, loss of self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, sleep disorders, memory loss, sexual dysfunction, chronic problems with relationships, dramatic personality changes, anxiety attacks, guilt and remorse, difficulty grieving, increased tendency toward violence, chronic crying, difficulty concentrating, flashbacks, loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities and people, and difficulty bonding with later children.” That is huge. So many young women entering clinics for an unwanted pregnancy, are trading their current struggle for a devastating constellation of new struggles.

I have a few friends personally, that have gone through with an abortion. One of those friends is still very dear to me. My heart breaks for her. Her situation was incredibly hard when her pregnancy occurred.  Tears spring to her eyes when she talks about it. It haunts her. The gravity of that decision and its effects on her have set in, and the clarity of life experience and truth have revealed a harsh reality. It broke her heart, and it can’t be fully repaired except by a God who loves her immensely and also knows her value. She once told me that the first thing she wants to do when she gets to heaven is find her child and beg for forgiveness. I can’t imagine how hard it is for her to live with this on her shoulders. If I love her this much, I can only imagine how much God loves her.

This issue thrives on the education of ignorance, the lies of a selfish Godless society, and the willing allowance of evil by those who know better.  If we truly comprehend the magnitude of this evil, would it continue to thrive as a money-making industry?

It infuriates me that my friend was robbed of a future with her child because of this mirage. My heart is broken for her and for all the men and women who are haunted by the memory of the lost lives of their children. It torments me to know that babies’ lives are taken every day that this continues.

Every life is precious and cannot be discounted. God wants all of us. He wants us to see all of the issues of life through His eyes. His eyes are over the precious babies who are casualties of a society that lacks His wisdom and love. I believe He will someday hold us responsible for our part. I pray for these babies, and I will continue to pray for those mommas every time I walk past that Pregnancy Crisis Center. As for the victims of societal lies, I pray for mercy on the souls who know not what they do.

I could have aborted my daughter at 26 weeks. I had valid medical reason. My life was endangered and so was hers. But this was my third baby. I’d already seen ultrasounds of my boys at 8 weeks looking like little gummy bears. I’d seen the intricate detail of their skeleton at 18 weeks and their moving hands and feet. I felt them move and hiccup, and I lay awake feeling them shift around. I’d experienced the miracle of childbirth, and I’d seen a perfect and complete child exit my body. I’d witnessed them recognize my voice the first time I spoke to them. I knew I was carrying a baby girl that was unique and would never be reproduced. Abortion wasn’t an option.

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

If God knows us before knitting us together in the womb…my daughter already had a soul and God already had a plan for her, whether it was to take her back to Him in the womb or after a long, full life. I do not have the wisdom of God, but I do have wisdom enough to know that I have to trust Him even when I don’t understand.

If I hadn’t placed her life in the hands of God, I would be missing my daughter’s 11yr dry wit, her school award ceremonies, her bear hugs, and her beautiful face. I would have robbed myself of this future, and the very thought of that is paralyzingly sad.

I will use my voice to speak truth out into this world. I will outstretch my arms to the broken hearted. I will teach my children there is another way, a way of love for these parents and these children. I will teach my children that one mistake doesn’t warrant another, and that two wrongs don’t make a right. I will extend mercy to those who have suffered, and grace to those who still don’t comprehend. Most of all, I will seize opportunity to invoke change, and shatter this mirage with truth. All life is precious. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalms 139:13-14:

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.


Amy Moser is a nationally known blogger and author of the book:                          

“The Magnificent Story Of A Lame Author”


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